Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Kristina Truly-Party of One Your Table's Ready

Proudly introducing my main character Kristina Truly staring in my romantic comedy "40 Something and Single" a novel for anyone who's found themselves dreaming of the day they too can change their FaceBook status from "Still Single" to "Married" or at the very least..."Yes, It's True, I Have a Date Tonight" !
“Hi! I’m Kristina Truly -- my friends call me KT for short. We all have nicknames, all my girlfriends, that is. It was cute when we were younger (much younger). Now the only things in our lives that seem to be much younger are the men Koo-Koo, my best friend dates.  
I’m a relationship expert, widely known and well-regarded, and I facilitate powerful motivational workshops called Turning Your Pain into Passion — One Date a Time. And best of all, I couldn’t pick the right guy for myself if my life depended on it!

I’m “40-Something and Single,”
and that is where my crazy story begins……”
(All Names Have Been Changed to Protect the Guilty!!!)

Kristina Truly is gorgeous, blond, smart, caring, and anything but politically correct. She continuously dates Mr. Wrong. KT’s love life is commonly referred to by her shrink as a disaster, even bizarre at times, but all in all it might lead her to find Mr. Right...She hopes!!!
40-Something and Single is a fearless account of what can happen between many, many men, and a woman determined to find true love, even after forty. From Internet dating to speed dating clubs; from heartthrobs to heartbreaks to hot flashes. With daring enthusiasm, KT reveals it all from a real world/real woman’s perspective.
KT carries a torch for two years, then gets dumped after just one hot steamy sleepover, and one “ooh-la-la” Friday night. Heartbroken, she propels into yet another shoe-buying frenzy. With 462 pairs of shoes already in her closet (463 counting the snorkeling fins), she decides a girls’ weekend in Viva Las Vegas is just what she needs to get over her recent letting go of lover boy. Whatever happens in Vegas, KT wants to be sure happens to her too; and it does, again and again! She meets Mr. Wonderful and spends three days of rug-burning, love-blinding bliss in the high-roller’s penthouse at a swanky hotel on the Strip. Sparks fly, and on that fiery Fourth of July weekend she falls in love. 
However, all good things seem to come to an end -- quickly.  KT is dumped again, this time by her sizzling Las Vegas love, who she’s sure is “The One.” 
KT reluctantly re-enters the dating game one more time.  On the advice of her Jewish girlfriend Kit-zophrenic, she joins J-Date.  For a shiksa to take on the Jewish Mother Mafia isn’t easy. For every nice Jewish boy, there comes a Jewish Mother…
On the advice of another friend, she also joins “Twenty-Five First Dates”. The task of enduring twenty-five men for just one date each before she can go on a second is impossible once KT meets a charming millionaire real estate investing mogul. One romantic date with REI on his alluring yacht, and the “only one date” rule is out… the Twenty-Five First Dates rule book is tossed overboard. Her sensual adventures with REI, Mr. Sky’s-the-Limit, eventually show KT that money can buy you a lot of fun, great sex, but not necessarily Mr. Right.   
Sharing her emotional longing for a loving relationship with the man of her dreams, KT describes adventures of hilarious honesty but often at a painful expense. Mostly she fears what just about anyone fears after searching a life time for true love; maybe I’m defective and simply not lovable. KT meets an almost sober airline pilot, to a “mental” mental health professional, to Mr. Organic -- Smokey Berra, the Park Ranger, and more—no one’s perfect.
KT uses her own screwed-up dating life as she teaches her love deficient seminar junkies to do as she says, not as she does. Even though KT is known to be a poor pecker picker she stays passionately optimistic about finding Mr. Right, until she is thrown a hormonal curveball which leaves her feeling hopeless to ever having a family of her own. But she never can quite shake her deep desire to return to the one love she may never forget – “The One” better known as the “One That Got Away”

"More blogging to come when I return with "KT's Love Afairs Gone Wild"

Saturday, February 25, 2012

My Big "5" Oh..Hell-No!

Once upon a time I had a birthday coming up in March and somehow unbeknownst to me but yet it has been confirmed by my DMV records that I will be turning 50…Upon turning 50 while living in Newport Beach I know it is just a matter of time until I can no longer get laid in a men’s prison with a pocket full of pardons. After all it’s hard enough for an anorexic size six, 20 year old swimsuit model to find a guy so what are my odds? Well the odds don’t appear to be all that promising, with half of the male population gay and the other half losing their trust fund money in the stock market things are not looking good. I remembered the days when my silicone implants stood for something but after 40; they won’t stand up for anything anymore. After turning 49 I realized it was just a matter of time until all hell breaks loose and down I go -- my chin hanging to my boobs, my silicone torpedoes pointed straight down towards an old gunnysack of cellulite, my knees hanging to my swollen ankles, and I’m most afraid I will one day have to tuck my ass into the back of my knee-high support hose so I won’t trip over it. I anticipate the day I wake up and realize, “Wow, I’m old.” But until then I say, “I will hold my chin up high. That way when my turkey neck sways, at least it sways with confidence!” 

Friday, February 24, 2012

Dating For the Clueless-Not the Desperate

"Of all the gin joints in all the towns he’s never walked into mine." Could be my grandmother was right-I’m cursed…but I believe I just haven’t met the right guy. After all, 40-something is the new 30-something, so they say. Although I don’t know who “They” are, I assume “They” must be over forty. And although I’ve kissed more than my share of toads all cleverly disguised as a dashing prince I’ve still manage to have hope that someday I will cram my size 8 foot into that damn size 6.5 glass slipper and when it shatters into a million pieces my perfect prince will be there to tell me, “Damn! Sweetheart your ass sure looks good in those jeans.”