The Words of a Wise Woman over 40—Kristina Truly!

Through the years the gene-pool has been more than generous to me. Thankfully I can hold a strong candle to slightly above average beauty, and I still managed to turn a few heads, even at my age. 

However, I do fear, it’s just a matter of time until all hell is going to break loose and down I go; my chin hanging to my boobs, my silicone torpedoes hanging to an old gunnysack of cellulite, my knees hanging to my swollen ankles, and I’m afraid I will eventually have to tuck my ass into the back of my knee-high support hose to keep from tripping on it.” 

My biggest concern is that one day I may wake up and realized—“WOW-- I’m old.”

But until then I say, 

“Ladies, walk with your chin held high. That way when your turkey neck sways, at least it sways with confidence!” 

I don’t have an Ivy League education but I’m no dumbed-down, touched-up blonde

I believe there is a lot to be said for us Street Sauvé business women and if you were stranded on a desert island you would definitely want me with you. 

I can guarantee you; I would find a way off that island before either of us lost a complete dress size.  For one thing, I’d never eat a crawling little anything to keep from starving and even more so, I’d never let my obituary read, “Kristina Truly, found starved to death on a deserted island with chipped toenail polish and in need of a good hair- stylist.” I haven’t missed a hair appointment in the past twenty-five years. Not for the birth of my only niece, not for my 90 year old neighbor’s funeral, and certainly not because I was stupid enough to get stranded on island without hair salon within swimming distance. 

So Remember Ladies...Chin-up and March On!!!

The Evolution of the Tarzan Jane Syndrome

The Evolution of Tarzan Jane Syndrome, (TJS)

I don’t know that there will ever be a cure for Tarzan Jane Syndrome (TJS) and yet it seems to be an epidemic that’s been passed on from generation to generation. This particular syndrome has survived for millions of years and although it has evolved substantially through the years…TJS still infects women of all social statures.  

TJS, in the beginning…Something created man and woman and their need for love. 

Man-Tarzan. Woman-Jane…Tarzan loves his Cave-Mother, Jane. He soon grows older and starts to desire his own Jane. He sees his first girl Jane playing in the trees in a nearby jungle. Tarzan has strong overwhelming urges to track-down this cute looking Jane. She’s young and fit and nothing like his Cave-Mother Jane and when he looks at her. he feels strong and wants to protect her. Tarzan can’t control his desires to be with girl-Jane. He sniffs around her. He loves how girl-Jane smells. He swings with girl-Jane for a couple days. Each time he's with girl-Jane, his desires to drag her by the hair to his cave gets stronger. Soon he ask girl-Jane, “May I take your hair in my strong hands? You make my loincloth hard. I want to drag you to my den. I want to make roaring hot fire with you.”

Jane could not resist Tarzan’s charm. Her desires to be his Cave Wife and bare his jungle children were all she could think about. So Jane agreed to lets her strong-handed Caveman have her hair. 

Jane soon started cleaning up Tarzan’s man cave, giving it a cave woman's touch. Jane slept at his cave a few more cold nights. Soon Jane was at his cave pad nearly day and night. Jane made Tarzan’s life easy; she was there whenever Tarzan wanted her. 

Tarzan started to feel Jane was now hunting him and he would soon be eaten by Jane. He decided he’s done with this girl-Jane. This Jane started to remind him of his mother and his loincloth never got hard around his mother. Tarzan couldn’t control his urges to free himself from his sweet, always there for him Jane, and hunt for a new girl Jane. 

Tarzan realizes there was no need to keep old girl Jane around any longer. Tarzan could see there were plenty of strange Jane's’ in the jungle.

Tarzan’s older brother stopped over to give him advice, “Little brother, it is the most fun when you hunt for the girl Jane that is hardest to catch. Father told me, that mom was so hard to catch that he almost died trying. She had the most cavemen in the jungle and she didn’t give her hair to any of them. She made them all carry her water baskets, bring her their fresh catch of the day, she made them build her fire at night and then made them go to their own cave. So dad had to be stronger and faster than all the other cavemen to get her hair in marriage. Cave Father worked so hard to catch Cave Mom that once he caught her, he did whatever he had to do to keep her happy. Mom was his finest trophy. Dad said catching the fastest, strongest, most ferocious tiger didn’t even come close to the work it took to catch his cave bride.” Tarzan listened to the wise words of his brother. “So, if a girl Jane treats you bad and other cavemen want her too, that’s the girl Jane I should hunt?” Tarzan asked, to make sure he understood what a caveman should do to snag his forever cave bride. “Yes! Nice, easy to hunt Jane-bad...ferocious, hard to catch Jane-Good.” Tarzan’s brother confirmed the ways of nature as they both prepared their weapons for their hunt for food the next morning.

Now Tarzan knew just what he must do to be a caveman just like his father. And the next day Tarzan tossed Jane over the nearest tall rocky cliff. Without as much as saying good-bye, Tarzan hurried back to his cave to watch the Tigers verses Gazelles. He cracked open a nice cold coconut, made a warm fire, roasted a wild boar for dinner, played with his monkey, slept and was ready to start his hunt for a new hard to catch Jane the next day.

 Jane on the other hand… Plummeting off yet another rocky cliff after a few dates with a hunky caveman who she was sure was “The One”. Midair, her new leopard fur dress caught on a tree branch growing out of the side of steep cliff breaking her fall. Her perfect sized hips for riding Buffalo cushioned her backside as she hit the torturous terrain below. The branch had ripped off her clothes leaving Jane exposed wearing nothing but her push-up grape leaves and ivy-fern panties. She bounced twice, before landing in the middle of a man-eating piranha infested mucky river. However, Jane, like a spawning salmon, she beautifully uses the breast stroke to fight the current upstream battle that lay ahead.

Once on stable ground, Jane, snatched a piranha from the water with her bare hands; uses the piranha’s teeth to comb and style her hair. Soon, after designing a new line of women’s fashionable jungle attire, she negotiated with the King of the Jungle to donate his gorgeous thick mane to her charitable foundation, “Locks of Mane”.

Combining efforts with a strong political group, Alligator’s Unit, Jane donated hundreds of pairs of shoes and purses to the surrounding Cave Schools for those Cave Kids that have Caveman Fathers who were eaten for lunch while hunting for dinner.

Jane’s new haute couture, Palm Fronds and Monarch Butterfly fall collection, rocketed to number one in the exclusive Neanderthal’s Fashion week. As an inspiration to young Cave Girl’s Jane was featured in the June issue of Modern Day Jungle magazine.

Finally, after years of seeking spiritual guidance from a highly respected Shaman, Jane worked through her dysfunctional childhood issues. Jane realizes she was a self-sufficient, highly successful Cave Woman.  However, Jane also had needs and wanted to be in a relationship. So Jane swung over to Tarzan her ex-BF’s den for a quick one night romp in the cave. Only this time after sex...Jane threw herself off the cliff to save time. 

TJS has been around since the beginning of time and continues to plague women of all cultures.